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Insight of the day: Titipan (WS Rendra)

Sering kali aku berkata,

ketika orang memuji milikku,

bahwa sesungguhnya ini hanya titipan,

bahwa mobilku hanya titipan Nya,

bahwa rumahku hanya titipan Nya,

bahwa hartaku hanya titipan Nya,

bahwa putraku hanya titipan Nya,

tetapi,

mengapa aku tak pernah bertanya,

mengapa Dia menitipkan padaku?



Untuk apa Dia menitipkan ini pada ku?

Dan kalau bukan milikku,

apa yang harus kulakukan untuk milik Nya ini?



Adakah aku memiliki hak atas sesuatu yang

bukan milikku?



Mengapa hatiku justru terasa berat,

ketika titipan itu diminta kembali oleh-Nya ?



Ketika diminta kembali,

kusebut itu sebagai musibah,

kusebut itu sebagai ujian,

kusebut itu sebagai petaka,

kusebut dengan panggilan apa saja

untuk melukiskan bahwa itu adalah derita.



Ketika aku berdoa,



kuminta titipan yang cocok dengan hawa nafsuku,

aku ingin lebih banyak harta,

ingin lebih banyak mobil,

lebih banyak rumah,

lebih banyak popularitas,

dan kutolak sakit,

kutolak kemiskinan,



Seolah ...

semua "derita" adalah hukuman bagiku.



Seolah ...

keadilan dan kasih Nya harus berjalan seperti

matematika:



aku rajin beribadah,

maka selayaknyalah derita menjauh dariku,

dan Nikmat dunia kerap menghampiriku.

Kuperlakukan Dia seolah mitra dagang, dan

bukan Kekasih.



Kuminta Dia membalas "perlakuan baikku",

dan menolak keputusanNya yang tak sesuai

keinginanku,



Gusti,



padahal tiap hari kuucapkan,

hidup dan matiku hanyalah untuk beribadah...

"ketika langit dan bumi bersatu, bencana dan

keberuntungan sama saja"





(WS Rendra).



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